Tuesday, May 15, 2012

A little insightful info about me

Each day I am beginning to make more progress.  I see the changes I need to make and am slowly working towards them.  This make take a while, but I strongly hope to pick up more momentum as the time goes.  I am in no hurry though and I hope that with practice, things become easier to take care of.  Here are some of the things I am currently trying to change.

I have been thinking a lot about simplifying and decluttering my life and my home.  The problem I keep running into is the reasons that come up for holding on to something, are all viable reasons.  It is hard to argue with the logic of keeping something, whether it be for useful purposes or for sentimental ones.  I want to get rid of this stuff, but I don't know how to separate from the reasoning for keeping it.  I know all of the things they say you should do to help yourself get rid of stuff, but somethings are just too difficult to do that with.  Especially the sentimental stuff that bring up memories whenever you see and touch them.  That is the only real purpose they serve, but isn't that an important part of life?  I don't know about you, but my memory is full of holes most of the time and having something to help me recall those memories is a helpful tool.  (Even if I only get it out of the box when I am trying to clean up and get rid of stuff.)

And then there is all of the stuff that is useful, just not on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis.  Those things like sleeping bags that are fully functional for more than just camping, but they take up so much damn space when not in use that it drives you batty.  And they are too expensive to get rid of and then have to replace them when needed.  So what do you do with them when not is use without taking up space that could be better used.  UGH!  I just don't know what to do.

I have also been trying to eat better and exercise.  It is tough.  I have learned that I am not really addicted to anything in particular (like coffee, cigarettes, chocolate, etc.) but I am addicted to having a vice of some sort, each and every day.  Kind of weird, I know.  So how do you break a habit like that?  I have no clue but I am trying.  Without much luck so far though. 

Then, there is fear.  I have come to realize that I have been afraid of living, and everything that involves, for so long, that I am terrified of doing anything.  How do you conquer that?  My self-esteem has been so pitiful for so long, that I am truly amazed that I have survived this long.  I know that deep inside of me there is a warriors spirit, that has kept me hanging on by the skin of my teeth for 20 years, but that warrior is exhausted and depleted.  How do I get her back up and recovered enough to keep me going?  That is the big question.  Now to find the answer.  I believe that part of it has to do with my creative side and the fact that it really hasn't been used in so long that I sometimes wonder if it even exists anymore.  So how do I get the creative juices flowing again?  How do I make myself get in my craft room and MAKE something?  Which brings me back to the clutter of stuff in my craft room and house, that gets in the way when I am wanting to go create.  Dang!  Will the cycle never end?


jude said...

just do it.... :-)
it's there....

Traci W. said...

Thanks Jude. That means a lot to me. :D

coinguyslady said...

The cycle! You have to have stuff to make art but you can't make art if you can't find the stuff you need to work with. As for me, I spend to much trying to find what I need. Then I send lots of money on things to store my stuff so I can find it.