Thursday, May 31, 2012

Recovering from a busy weekend

This last weekend was EXTREMELY busy.  Much busier than I expected it to be.  But it was all good.  One of my twin boys (the oldest by one minute, lol) graduated from high school, my sisters came up for the graduation and stayed at my house (the first time ever!), and we made an offer on a house to buy.  I am so very proud of my son for finishing school and getting his diploma despite all the troubles him and I have had.  He is a good kid even though he has made some bad choices.  But he is still learning.  He is only 18 after all, and although he thinks he know it all, he really doesn't.  I love him much more than he knows though.

I am always going to see my sisters, but they never come to see me, so I was VERY happy to have them at my house for a change, even if I didn't really have the room or proper set up to allow for company.  I hope they had a good time.  As for the house, well, we didn't get it.  The choices that we have are pretty slim but we hold out hope that something will present itself soon.  We deserve to finally have a place to call our own.  But, what will be, will be.  So I try not to be upset about it.

Things have settled down now, so I have time to get back to creating.  I have spent a lot of time over the last week or two mending lots of old jeans and shorts that I just didn't have time to get to before.  I am making good progress and I even made me a new outfit.  I will have to post a picture later as to the fact that none of the batteries in the house seem to want to work with my camera.  So I need to get new ones.  Well that is all for now.  Hope you all have a blessed day!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

A little insightful info about me

Each day I am beginning to make more progress.  I see the changes I need to make and am slowly working towards them.  This make take a while, but I strongly hope to pick up more momentum as the time goes.  I am in no hurry though and I hope that with practice, things become easier to take care of.  Here are some of the things I am currently trying to change.

I have been thinking a lot about simplifying and decluttering my life and my home.  The problem I keep running into is the reasons that come up for holding on to something, are all viable reasons.  It is hard to argue with the logic of keeping something, whether it be for useful purposes or for sentimental ones.  I want to get rid of this stuff, but I don't know how to separate from the reasoning for keeping it.  I know all of the things they say you should do to help yourself get rid of stuff, but somethings are just too difficult to do that with.  Especially the sentimental stuff that bring up memories whenever you see and touch them.  That is the only real purpose they serve, but isn't that an important part of life?  I don't know about you, but my memory is full of holes most of the time and having something to help me recall those memories is a helpful tool.  (Even if I only get it out of the box when I am trying to clean up and get rid of stuff.)

And then there is all of the stuff that is useful, just not on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis.  Those things like sleeping bags that are fully functional for more than just camping, but they take up so much damn space when not in use that it drives you batty.  And they are too expensive to get rid of and then have to replace them when needed.  So what do you do with them when not is use without taking up space that could be better used.  UGH!  I just don't know what to do.

I have also been trying to eat better and exercise.  It is tough.  I have learned that I am not really addicted to anything in particular (like coffee, cigarettes, chocolate, etc.) but I am addicted to having a vice of some sort, each and every day.  Kind of weird, I know.  So how do you break a habit like that?  I have no clue but I am trying.  Without much luck so far though. 

Then, there is fear.  I have come to realize that I have been afraid of living, and everything that involves, for so long, that I am terrified of doing anything.  How do you conquer that?  My self-esteem has been so pitiful for so long, that I am truly amazed that I have survived this long.  I know that deep inside of me there is a warriors spirit, that has kept me hanging on by the skin of my teeth for 20 years, but that warrior is exhausted and depleted.  How do I get her back up and recovered enough to keep me going?  That is the big question.  Now to find the answer.  I believe that part of it has to do with my creative side and the fact that it really hasn't been used in so long that I sometimes wonder if it even exists anymore.  So how do I get the creative juices flowing again?  How do I make myself get in my craft room and MAKE something?  Which brings me back to the clutter of stuff in my craft room and house, that gets in the way when I am wanting to go create.  Dang!  Will the cycle never end?

Friday, May 11, 2012

Getting prepared

So today marks the end of the third week since I have quit working.  My personal hiatus.  I can't believe it has went by so quickly.  As I mentioned in my last post, I am making some changes in my life.  Quitting working was the first step.  I have spent my time off trying to get things in order so that I can focus on my health and my crafting.  I have been cleaning house (when I wasn't feeling like crud and doing nothing) and trying to work out a rhythm to my families daily needs and plan our meals instead of just dealing with it as it comes up.  This hasn't been easy, and I am not quite finished, but I felt that I needed to mark my progress.

I remember that I once had a plan for my life.  It was NOTHING like the life I have had and it never will be, but I have to try to get what I always wanted to get, only with a few minor differences of course.  There are just some things that will always be different.  I have spent a long time regretting, and secretly hating, how my life has turned out.  I am starting to come to terms with it.  I understand now that it is done.  I can't change the past but the future is still malleable.  The time has come to pick myself up, dust myself off, and make a change, in myself and my life, that I can be proud of.  I would like to thank you for your patience and want to let you know that I am making progress, albeit slowly, and that things are looking favorable to me being crafty and artsy again.  I expect to be more productive within a few more weeks and I plan to document my artistic tendencies on here more often.  So please check back often.